Avalon

I've tried, I really have. For all the sarcastic emails and conversations berating people who buy into the white picket fence dream, I ended up in line at the paint store, queing for brushes and tins. For the past two years I've given it my best shot; the mortgage, RSP account, professional career, steady relationships. I own property, am on the ladder in a large and well respected company, and I hate my life. I am a cliche of a cliche. It ends here.

On the plus side to all of this, I've answered the questions that bothered me all those years ago, namely how did people end up like this? How do you go from being young and idealistic to old and bitter, stressed, frantically trying to eke out satisfaction from the most mundane activities. I've been in the professional world for two years, and if my experiences were condensed into a brochure the picture would not be attractive.

Fear of the unknown keeps people in a state of inertia. Security is such a strong motivator that we will sacrifice every kind of risk in order to maintain it.

Earlier today I came across old emails sent to friends while I was away backpacking shortly after I graduated, and was surprised at how creative, spontaneous, entertaining and hilarious they were. That was a time when it felt like anything was possible, when I had a lot to say and was not afraid of saying it. It's been a long time since I've felt like that. I haven't written much recently because there's been nothing to say. I hope to change that in the near future.