Fruit

I was walking out of the bank today when this women who was waiting in line for the green machine looked at me and half moaned like a cow being force fed a leg of lamb through it's arsehole. "Oh my god", she blarted, "he's so skinny!", with extra emphasis placed on the skinny. She said this while gripping a banana in her left hand, holding it like it was proof that despite all appearances she was actually healthy and slim, and her gluttonous rolls of lard were a mere optical illusion or a temporary glandular problem.

I glided past with all the confidence of a a person fully in command of his diet and body. I could hear her bones protesting as they tried vainly to support her weight, her chubby hand daintily holding the banana which would soon be converted into another extra chin, or early onset diabetes. Driving away I saw her through the window, still standing in line, still holding that banana like Jesus must've brandished his truth, while her carcass bore the weight of her sins with all the grace and dignity of a beached whale.

When she dies, I hope someone places a banana in her hands. As the crematorium incinerates her bright yellow coffin, I'll be there, eating a cupcake and smiling.

Avalon

I've tried, I really have. For all the sarcastic emails and conversations berating people who buy into the white picket fence dream, I ended up in line at the paint store, queing for brushes and tins. For the past two years I've given it my best shot; the mortgage, RSP account, professional career, steady relationships. I own property, am on the ladder in a large and well respected company, and I hate my life. I am a cliche of a cliche. It ends here.

On the plus side to all of this, I've answered the questions that bothered me all those years ago, namely how did people end up like this? How do you go from being young and idealistic to old and bitter, stressed, frantically trying to eke out satisfaction from the most mundane activities. I've been in the professional world for two years, and if my experiences were condensed into a brochure the picture would not be attractive.

Fear of the unknown keeps people in a state of inertia. Security is such a strong motivator that we will sacrifice every kind of risk in order to maintain it.

Earlier today I came across old emails sent to friends while I was away backpacking shortly after I graduated, and was surprised at how creative, spontaneous, entertaining and hilarious they were. That was a time when it felt like anything was possible, when I had a lot to say and was not afraid of saying it. It's been a long time since I've felt like that. I haven't written much recently because there's been nothing to say. I hope to change that in the near future.