Pheonix

Last Monday I managed to shed the burden of being a despicable stain on society's fragile fabric, and once again became a productive member of society. The feelings of success are only slightly offset by the feelings of exhaustion, but that's a small price to pay for my ticket back to happiness.

The road of unemployment is a deceiving one, filled with traps and false hopes. You start with endless optimism, bursting with hope for a better job and the excitement of new possibilities. But as the days turn into weeks the excitement sours to boredom, and the optimism gives way to despair. One minute you're opening RSP accounts and debating which credit card will give you the most airmiles, the next you're waddling through the frozen aisles of Food Basics with a meaty fistful of food vouchers, getting excited by the ice-cream displays before keeling head first through the thick paned glass, smashing your skull and collpasing into an icy grave of choc ice and popsicles.

You start to lose grip on the very fabric of reality. Through jaded dole scum eyes you peer through job boards and contemptuously dismiss postings you deem to be beneath you (the number mysteriously grows the more you look), and begin to think that maybe, just maybe, not working isn't so bad after all.

The horror! Thank goodness then, that I was lucky enough to nip it in the bud before things progressed further. Now that I no longer have time to ponder these distasteful questions, I can focus on what's really important. My airmiles, and getting my RSP funds back on track.